A wise man once told me, after we ran out of gas in our car, that “E” doesn’t mean enough. How true. I’m starting to feel that. Going and going through all of these different things going on and are pulling me in a million directions are starting to wear me down. I really don’t like doing a million different things where I can’t give my full attention, i’m just not wired that way. Don’t get me wrong, I really like to have something to do and stay busy, however I don’t like busy work. Some aspects of what I’m doing feel like busy work. All of this while trying to listen and wait on the Lord for what He has for us.
And that got me thinking about why in the world I write on this dumb thing anyways. For me I process my thoughts by verbalizing or working through them in word, whether on “paper” or person to person. It helps me process my thoughts. So I thought about blogs and why we do them. I think there are really two reasons to ever have a blog, the first is an “educational/motivational or whatever type. Basically saying ‘I feel I have something that I think the world would be interested in reading, some profound idea or support or agenda that people would want to read about. The other one, is more of a Journal. Where you write thoughts, feelings ideas etc down for the benefit of yourself and if others read it than so be it. This can be a scary aspect of writing in such an open forum. The balance of how much is too much personal stuff. Reason wise, I tend to lean towards the journal aspect. Again, going back to the process. Which is kind of scary in a sense, especially with the whole waiting on the Lord for a calling idea. I know that when/if I throw my name in a hat for a position they will search out information on me. Which will inevitably lead them here. I don’t know if “they” don’t like what they read or whatever, maybe I’m not writing enough “deep thoughts with Jack Handy” type of things, I’m not spiritual enough or offer wonderful nuggets of Godly wisdom on here. I don’t know.
For me, being a Minister is more than having great spiritual thoughts or not having feelings or observations on the world around me, no matter how un-spiritual or random them may be. So as I sit here, it hits me…where the heck am I going with this? (again I need to process) If I candidate for these positions and they read this blog, and they don’t like what they see, then I get a “thank you but…” letter. And that might be part of the tiredness. Being rejected over and over again wears on me. I should be used to it based on my high school years of dating, but i’m not. So should I stop writing here? I don’t think so, for as little as I get to write here I don’t think it’s worth it. Plus they can read any of the past posts, so that doesn’t do much unless I close it completely.
As i’m writing, this passage came to mind…
Philippians 4:8
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
So there it is, my spiritual nugget. Actually I think that is God’s way of reminding me of who I am. I process things for quite a while. She who must be obeyed calls it “analysis that leads to paralysis” I don’t go that far, but it usually takes me time to think about, pray about and process what is rattling around in my mind and heart. God puts stuff there for a reason, and I try to put all the the puzzle pieces together. Ok, so enough rambling. Time to go eat some free Chinese food…Happy Chinese New Year!
